3 years (ou presque) in the Merde*
Have you ever wanted to take a job or an opportunity in another country but have been put off because you can’t speak the language? Well in 2021 I moved to France without being able to speak a word of the language and these are some of my embarrassing moments. So hopefully sharing these moments you’ll be less afraid to “make the leap”.
For my latest blog I thought I’d reflect a little on the start of my journey in the very French world of Solo Offshore sailing. This blog was inspired by the amusing book *A year in the Merde by Stephen Clarke.
In 2021 I did quite possibility the most crazy or adventurous thing I’ve ever done. (I’ll let you, dear reader, decide which) I set off for France to try to do this professional single-handed ocean sailing race in France, La Solitaire du Figaro.
When I arrived in France, I knew one person my old university roommate, Jade, living in France about 300 miles away. I had a second French friend, Martin, living in Sweden so my understanding of French culture was very limited, and my understanding of the language was bonjour (hello), je voudrais (I would like), s'il vous plaît (please) et merci (thank you). I had bought a few books (livres) to try to learn the language (apprendre la langue), but I had no real plan.
All my french friends in 2020 (Tous mes amis français en 2020)
The learning curve in all parts of my life was going to be near vertical. My first few weeks were during that period when Covid was a very big part of daily life (vie quotidienne), I don’t think anyone needs to be reminded. In fact, the day after I arrived in France, the border to the UK closed, meaning that it was either sink (évier) or swim (Nager).
I am sorry, my French is terrible (Je suis désolée, mon français est très mauvais)
Slowly, I began to learn words, but because of limits on socializing, my life was limited to sailing and going to the supermarket, thus my understanding of the French language was a little skewed. I knew the word for mainsail (Grande Voile, often shortened to GV) before I knew the word for spoon (cuillère). The problem started to come with some of the words that have dual meaning for example, the word ‘écoute’ in 99% of conversations is “listen”, however ‘écoute’ also means ‘sheet’ (the name of the rope that attaches to a sail, so in French you have l’écoute de GV). At the time I had only heard it used in the second context. So, one day the person in front of me in the supermarket (supermarché) kept saying “écouter” so I thought oh yay the person in front of me is a sailor maybe I can make friends with them…. It turns out they were not sailors; they were in fact asking for a refund on a faulty product and my attempts at friendship (amitié) were badly mistaken.
First day at school (premier jour d'école)!
The first time I had to go to a sailing shop was to buy a replacement part for the one that had broken on the boat I was racing. I knew exactly what I needed to buy. After confidently walking (marche) into that shop (magasin), it dawned on me I had no idea what the part I was looking for is called in French. After one failed attempt to explain what had broken (cassé) I resorted to looking at every single aisle in the store to find it.
One day before training in strong winds, I was asked if I was excited. Oui, je suis excité (yes, I am excited) I responded. Now anyone who can speak French is currently wetting themselves with laughter and indeed the room was at the time. Because while “je suis excité” does mean I am excited, it’s more a kind of bedroom excitement than a going fast on a sailing boat excitement. The correct term in this situation is “j'ai hâte” (I can’t wait). Cue one embarrassing French lesson.
My first race in the French Elite Offshore Championship (Championnat de France Elite Course au Large), I was sailing with someone who would go onto become a great friend, Damien. The Sardinha Cup (Sardines Cup) so named because the town Saint Gilles Croix de Vie (literally Saint Gilles cross of life) which hosts the race is famous for sardines. We had a small problem - I couldn’t speak French and whilst he speaks amazing English, couldn’t race or sail in English. I would like to say I did ‘try’ (essayer) to speak (parler) French but that was limited to speaking English (anglais) while using French words (mot) that I knew.
We’re in the lead (On est en tête)!
I am a sailor (Je suis un navigator)
As the lock down rules were eased, so my number of social interactions about normal topics began to increase. I had been so focused on learning sailing words, many everyday words I had not bothered with. As someone who is very dyslexic, as a child it took me rather long to left and right. During my sea life I had picked up Port (bâbord) and Starboard (tribord) through some of the races I had competed in. The words for left (à gauche) and right (à droite) had seemingly not come up in conversation. That was until late July (julliet) when a group of Parisen tourists asked me for directions. There I was standing in the middle of the high street explaining to these people to “prendre la troisième à bâbord pour trouver la stations-service” (take the third to port to find the petrol station).
Before the start of every race, we do a stadium course (parcours spectacle). Just before the start gun, the race director explains in French what the exact route of this will be. During my first Solitaire in 2021, I had by luck (chance) or skill (compétence) worked out where I was supposed to go every time. That was until the last leg (étape) where all I understood of the DC’s (Director Course / Race Officer’s) message was “sans bouée de degagement” (without the windward mark). I thought this meant that we were not doing the stadium course and we were supposed to directly go the next buoy, the Fastnet lighthouse (phare du Fastnet) 350miles away. When I saw the entire fleet turning left, hoisting spinnakers, and going towards the gathered spectators I realised, I had misunderstood the French a little.
After a season of racing at the highest level of French offshore sailing, could have a very detailed conversation about the weather? Yes! Could I have a casual conversation at a bar? Absolutely not!
A serious word (Un mot sérieux)
If I have learnt one lesson from this experience it’s that whatever you do in life, try at some point to learn a language even if it ends up being just 5%. It will change your view of the world completely and you’ll feel like you have the key to access a whole new aspect of life. The best way to do this is to move to a country because you’ll learn very fast.
My top tips for fitting in:
Do not refer the to English Channel as that, you’re in France now it is La Manche (The Channel).
Do not refer to the Channel Islands as that, you’re in France now, they are the Îles Anglo-Normandes’. (Anglo Normand Islands
The French (especially the Bretons) really love the Irish, Scottish, and Welsh. If you’re English, my advice would be to find some Celtic ancestry – my paternal grandfather really was Scottish and hide that part of your identity and you’ll be embraced as an anti-establishment hero who tried to revolt against their cruel English rulers.
Learn the French pronunciation of your first name, for example David is said Daaavid. It will save you a large amount of time when doing the vast number of forms and help hide your Englishness.
If you want to sound more French use the word ‘bah’, for example “bah oui” is much more French than just saying “oui”. Particularly useful if you’re trying to hide your Englishness.
DSL is the text short form of désolé (sorry). Particularly useful if all your friends find out you are English and you need to apologies for centuries of crimes against France (real or perceived).
From 12.30 to 14.00 it’s lunchtime (pause déjeuner), so do not try to get anything done. Food is the priority. Do not fight this, if you need to get something done, don’t, just have lunch.
Its socially acceptable to ‘double galette’ (having two crepes) at lunch time.
SVP is the text short form of s'il vous plaît (please). You’ll receive lots of message along the lines of “apprendre le Français svp David”, (Please learn French David).
Mec is the slang for calling someone your friend. Hey mate (salut mec!). So, if someone calls you it, it’s a good thing and you’re making friends.
The French really love their nick names however they aren’t very individual Corentin is referred to as CoCo, Clarisse – ClaCla, Chloe – CloClo, Laurent -LoLo (I think you can see the pattern) regardless of whether their personality fits the name given to them.
During the month of August (Août), the entire country is on holiday (vacation), do not try to get anything done.
If you find yourself at race being protested, speak using the formal you (note to self-use vous and not tu)
I’m thinking I could write a book from this experience
Useful French phrases and words for sailing in France
I need help - J'ai besoin d'aide
I am looking for - Je cherche
All good onboard - Tout va bien aboard
Boat - Bateau
No wind - Petole
Storm - Tempête
Fender - Parpatage
Rudder - Safran
Keel - Quille
Tiller – Barre
Tiller extension - Stick (that one makes no-sense to me)
Computer - Ordinator (Often shortened to Ordi)
Spreaders - Bar de fleche
Spinnaker - Spi
Jib - Genois
Anchor - Ancre
Vang - Hales-Bas
Outhaul - Bordure
Halyard – Drisse
Tack line - Amure
Battern - Lat
Starboard tack - Tribord amures
Port tack - Bâbord amures
Rocks - Cailloux
Thing - Truc (This word I use alot)
If anyone would like a sequel to this, please let me know – I have more embarrassing / interesting stories so please like or comment. I’ve had quite the education on this topic.
I am working very hard now to make sure there is a fourth “year in the merde”.
***Un grand merci à Martin et Jade pour avoir été mes premiers professeurs de Français, sans vous c’est histoire ne serait pas possible. Merci à mes entraîneurs Etienne et Tanguy pour avoir pris le temps de s'assurer que je comprenais tout. Merci Elenore pour avoir été extraordinaire.